2010 – March 12

So here I am on March 12th. I’ve had to break down and take a Xanax this morning. I am so gut wrenched, trembling, rocks in the stomach nervous over the whole Facebook friending thing. It has been one week and the “awaiting friend request” is still hanging out there. I know for fact EC has been online because he has added other friends since. My best of friends (the ones I can trust with my life) tell me to get over it and just move on. But I can’t. I keep feeling I need to send another note requesting a “no harm, no foul” or ignore me or something. But that just makes me look even more crazy, doesn’t it? The terrible part is come next game, I’ll be right out there at the ball park with EC and his wife…after I take another Xanax. What’s the right thing to do???

Had lunch yesterday with to of my trusty girlfriends yesterday. Along with the above mentioned discussion, we had a great talk about loads of girl stuff. There is nothing better than sitting down with your girlfriends over a few drinks when everyone is loosened up and just hashing out all the topics we are afraid to discuss with anyone else. We talked about porn and our feelings about that. We talked about nudity. We talked about the beauty of the female body. I was happy to hear at least one other girl besides myself of course, can appreciate the female body and openly talk about it without having to feel like she is wrong! The other friend doesn’t understand it and thinks we are “off”. We certainly don’t think we’re lesbian but we feel there is nothing wrong with finding the female body sexy or attractive. I admitted my “girl crushes” (there are only three) and explained they are only a fantasy and not something I ever intend to pursue. I’m happy to announce I even have one guy friend (not present at this gathering) that will openly admit to a “man crush”. He is obviously comfortable enough in his sexuality and manhood to admit he can find another guy to be handsome.  My own husband even knows this stuff and he doesn’t seem bothered by it. I’m sure he’d love me to invite over another woman and watch! We just had some good, healthy talk.

Yeah. So my palms are still sweating over here and I’m still at a loss of what the hell I should do. And I don’t see many readers jumping in to read my blog so I guess I will continue to be baffled…unless I just go ahead and do something stupid again.


1 Comment

  1. Charlie said,

    March 17, 2010 at 2:11 pm

    I think that it is interesting that women can talk about crushes that they have had on other women, where as men cannot talk about theirs on other guys. We have all seen it before. I have had straight guy friends that wanted to spend more time than I could offer with me. When I couldn’t meet them, I could feel the hurt in their voice over the phone. There is nothing wrong with having a crush on the same sex, or even having sexual desires. We are humans, who unlike animals, have the ability to decide more about what we want and desire. What has become taboo in our society, was once considered a choice. It is strange how religion, politics and our culture has set rules for how we are to behave and what we are supposed to want.

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