The Asshole Neighbors


Our next door neighbors are such assholes. I think it’s because they are Yankees. I’ve yet to meet a northerner that I felt was completely normal. Somehow they always seem to have at least one odd trait. Ours next door are just a piece of work.

The story begins right after we moved in. They have a daughter that is a year older than our son. Our son was so happy to have a neighbor to play with and he and Emily became fast friends. We just thought this was wonderful because in our previous neighborhood, we had empty lots on each side of us and no children across the street either. Emily spent lots of time at our house playing. Within a month, I began to notice some behavior from Emily that would concern me. One day, I heard her in our bedroom where our dog was sleeping on the bed and Emily said to my son, “I’m going to squeeze her until she stops breathing.” I immediately jumped up and ran in the room and explained to Emily that we love our pets as if they were a member of our family and it was not acceptable for her to hurt our pets. She seemed to understand and take heed. On another occasion, my came and told me Emily was using his Fisher Price kid digital camera to take pictures of my daughter with her diaper down. I wasn’t sure exactly WHAT to do with that situation but I took the camera away and told her that was not appropriate.

Emily’s birthday was approaching and we received an invitation to her party for our son. About a week before Emily’s party, she was over yet again playing. She and my son were up in his room. Her parents called and said it was time for dinner so I sent her home. After she was gone and I fed my kids, I went up to get my son ready for bed.  When I walked into his room, there were pieces of torn paper all over the floor. As I started to look at them, I realized they were pieces of his artwork he made in pre-school and in school that year. I almost started crying. I called my son up and asked him about it. He said Emily told him if he didn’t help her tear up all his artwork, he couldn’t come to her party. I explained to him that she was wrong and shouldn’t have made him do that. After he did leave the room, I cried. I can’t get that stuff back! The next time Emily came over, I pulled her aside without my son and told her what she did was wrong. I explained to her that I had been saving all his art from the time he started pre-school and that she had ruined it. I cried again while talking to her. I also explained it was not right for her to threaten my son with not being able to go to her party. She apologized and I, yet again, let it go.

The final straw came one afternoon when I could hear Emily and my son playing in our driveway through my open kitchen window. She was laughing and said she had to go home to change shoes and would be right back. I looked out the window and saw my son standing over something in the driveway. I went down to take a look. It was a lizard…Please keep in mind that my son loves all living things. He has a real interest in being a veterinarian and wants to bring home and take care of every living thing he finds.  So, the lizard was maimed but still alive. I asked him what happened. He said Emily was stepping on it and went to get better shoes on. I waited for her return. When she came back, I told her this was the second time I’ve seen her want to do harm to one of nature’s creatures and that I found it quite disturbing. I told her I was going to call her mother…and that’s what I did. I lost it. I was so upset. I called her mother and tried to talk to her about this. She was AGHAST! Not her little princess! She would never harm an animal or living thing! I began to back track and tell her the story about our dog. Well, she said that was because Emily has never been around pets and doesn’t know anything about them. I tried to explain that most kids I know who have never been around pets are usually afraid of our animals…not wanting to HURT them or kill them. She didn’t like that one bit. I also went into the story about the destruction of my son’s art. She wanted to know why I hadn’t called her. I explained that I felt comfortable handling that myself since it happened in MY home and that I had talked to Emily about it. She had the GALL to tell me that I shouldn’t have done that! That was it. I knew I would get no where with her and I ended the call politely and suggested perhaps our children should no longer play together.

Since then, the mom next door won’t even look me in the eye. The husband/father over there will greet us, but that’s it. Emily doesn’t come over.

The next incident happened about a year later. Emily had a friend over and they were playing in her yard and driveway. There was some sidewalk chalk in our driveway that my daughter left out. My son comes running in our house crying and saying someone had written on our retaining wall in our driveway, “THE CAT IS DEAD. THE CAT IS DEAD. THE CAT IS DEAD.” FYI, we have an outdoor cat. I told him to stay inside while I went to check it out. Indeed. It was there. Bigger than life. Emily and her friend happened to be in our back yard with my son. I went out with Emily present and said that I saw it and had taken pictures of it (which I did not) and that I would call the police, show them the pictures, and give them the chalk for fingerprints so they could find who did it. Emily IMMEDIATELY went running home. Within about 20 minutes, I had a knock at my front door. It was Emily. She said her mother asked her to come over…although her chicken-ass mother was standing at the end of HER front walkway. She said she and her friend had written that and wanted to know if I would forgive her. Being the agnostic that I am, I told her I wasn’t sure I could. She asked over and over again, “But will you forgive me?’ I never gave a yes to that. Let her crazy ass have to think on that one. And thank GOODNESS her mother knew she did it, FINALLY!

I haven’t included every incident that happened, because I can’t recall them all but I think these are enough for you to know something is not right here. We have lived next to them for the last two plus years and the mother will not even make eye contact with ANY of us. The father will politely acknowledge us but that is it.

Let’s move on to the last few weeks. We have begun a renovation of our back patio. The patio slab was sinking because it was never laid properly so we decided to rip it up and put down flag stone. To save a little money, my husband decided to jackhammer the old patio himself and we posted the concrete on Cragislist and Freecycle. Amazingly enough, we’ve had tons of takers and all of it will soon be gone. We decided to use a few of the smaller pieces to put at the base of our fence in the back where the ground was washing out under the fence. My husband  placed the concrete chunks at the base of the fence.  Well, we got a knock at the door last weekend. It was the president of the homeowners association stating he had some complaints we were putting construction debris in our back yard. Before I could talk to him or discuss it, he was gone. My husband happened to be in the shower at the time. When I was able to discuss it with Luke, he was LIVID. I told him we needed to have the homeowners president back over and let him look at it. So we called him the next day to come over. He was perfectly fine with what we had done and assured us he was certain our patio would be fine and he didn’t have any problems with the situation. We told him we would put up some shrubs along our fence line so the neighbors could not see the concrete at the base of the fence.  He was fine with that as well. So I picked and planted the shrubs I hate the most in this world because they grow so fast…Elyeagnus. I hope they grow thru the fence and annoy the living hell out of them.

I also took the liberty of sending some nasty lingerie catalogs to their house in the husband’s name.  😀 And one last thing I’m considering for the future…The neighbors have one of those concrete pineapples on the end of their driveway retaining wall. I thing it would look nice painted up like Sponge Bob’s house.

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