Oh, Peggy Lee! Sing it sister!

I bought the Peggy Lee’s Greatest Hits cd back in my early 20’s….which is great to do housework to, by the way…but I remember this song being such a hit with me and my friends. We thought it was great she sang, “Break out the booze and have a ball.” Well, doesn’t this song take on a whole new meaning now that I’m in my 40’s??!??


The Joining of Two Souls

So, when I was reaching my late twenties, I was very upset I had not found that special someone I could settle down and spend the rest of my life with. I began to think I would never find anyone or have any children. Knowing I might not find the right person, I had internal discussions with myself about the long term situation with having no spouse and no children.  I had to come to grips with facts; I had to learn how to be happy with the life that I had. And I did. I was a proud home owner and felt fully capable of taking care of myself and my house on my own. I developed a real sense of pride in what I had accomplished and felt assured in what I could do in the future.  Of course, that is when I met my soon to be husband.  That’s what they say, you know…when you least expect it…you find someone.

There are so many things about marriage that no one ever tells you though. You hear over and over that marriage is hard; it is work, but no one ever explains why. Well, I am here to tell you, it is harder than hard and it is one of the hardest tasks you will ever take on for so many reasons. And if you choose to bring children into the marriage, you can just quadruple the amount of work you have to do to maintain it.

I have to start first with the biggest issue I know of…the passion. You hear that the passion dies. But does it die on both sides? That part I am not sure of. In my particular case, it seems my husband still has the passion but for me it has fizzled. In talking with friends, I see it has fizzled for some and not for others. That leads me to wonder if one person is more deeply connected than the other. I also hear from friends that relationships are slightly more one sided…I have friends that one spouse is completely enamoured while the other is not so much. Are relationships meant to be that way? Ideally, I think not. But is there really such a thing as soul mates? And if there are, is it a rarity that only few experience?

As I said before, I am obviously the one on the down end of the spectrum while my husband is still experiencing the passion. What happens for the other person? Is it my destiny to continue to work at what I have with my best friend while lacking the  passion I once had?

Maybe I am different from everyone else; when I was in college, I met who I thought was my soul mate. Things happened, things changed, we were young; he’s gone now and he is not coming back. Does that mean I missed my opportunity? Does it ever happen again?

I long for someone who wants me as much as I want him. I long for someone who loves me with all his heart…as much as I love him. It is about the connection. It is about the mutual admiration. When all these things are present, it is so much more than flesh on flesh. It is about the joining of two souls. It is not dirty. It is not taboo.  It is peaceful; it is comforting; it is completely fulfilling. For me, when you embrace someone with all your heart and it is wholly reciprocated, the physical joining with this person is like connecting two puzzle pieces; it fits. The two fit together easily, comfortably, and are drawn together. And I am sad to say, I don’t have that.

It’s just like the song says…

You find out who your friends are. If you don’t know that song, go to http://www.youtube.com and look it up. So true.

What has happened to common courtesy these days? You invite someone to do something with you and they agree then when the time comes, you don’t hear from them. Is it too much to ask for them to let you know they don’t plan to make it?  Come on! Don’t leave me hanging!

I have invited two friends to come visit me here in Orange Beach for a FREE weekend at the beach and neither had the common courtesy to call me, email me, text me, just whatever and let me know they never planned to come. Is that too much to ask? Or am I such an ass that no one wants to come see me? I cant quite figure it out.

My husband often gets on my ass about friends…telling me I don’t have many because my standards are too high but as this happens, he tells me,  “They aren’t your true friends.” So if they aren’t my true friends, am I supposed to keep then on board and take further hurtful actions from them? I just don’t know. Should I look deeper within myself to see why this is happening? These are people who beg me to find time for them but when I do, they don’t show.

I find that the true friends I keep are ones that will gladly tell me at the drop of a hat that I am at fault or I have done something stupid. I have no problem with that…they stick by my side regardless. Do I need friends that don’t?

It’s about to be my birthday. I wanted some of my friends to come and spend it with me. I am offering a free place to stay at the beach. The ones I knew would come are coming no matter their responsibilities. They marked their calendar and plan to be here. And I thank God for them.