The Joining of Two Souls

So, when I was reaching my late twenties, I was very upset I had not found that special someone I could settle down and spend the rest of my life with. I began to think I would never find anyone or have any children. Knowing I might not find the right person, I had internal discussions with myself about the long term situation with having no spouse and no children.  I had to come to grips with facts; I had to learn how to be happy with the life that I had. And I did. I was a proud home owner and felt fully capable of taking care of myself and my house on my own. I developed a real sense of pride in what I had accomplished and felt assured in what I could do in the future.  Of course, that is when I met my soon to be husband.  That’s what they say, you know…when you least expect it…you find someone.

There are so many things about marriage that no one ever tells you though. You hear over and over that marriage is hard; it is work, but no one ever explains why. Well, I am here to tell you, it is harder than hard and it is one of the hardest tasks you will ever take on for so many reasons. And if you choose to bring children into the marriage, you can just quadruple the amount of work you have to do to maintain it.

I have to start first with the biggest issue I know of…the passion. You hear that the passion dies. But does it die on both sides? That part I am not sure of. In my particular case, it seems my husband still has the passion but for me it has fizzled. In talking with friends, I see it has fizzled for some and not for others. That leads me to wonder if one person is more deeply connected than the other. I also hear from friends that relationships are slightly more one sided…I have friends that one spouse is completely enamoured while the other is not so much. Are relationships meant to be that way? Ideally, I think not. But is there really such a thing as soul mates? And if there are, is it a rarity that only few experience?

As I said before, I am obviously the one on the down end of the spectrum while my husband is still experiencing the passion. What happens for the other person? Is it my destiny to continue to work at what I have with my best friend while lacking the  passion I once had?

Maybe I am different from everyone else; when I was in college, I met who I thought was my soul mate. Things happened, things changed, we were young; he’s gone now and he is not coming back. Does that mean I missed my opportunity? Does it ever happen again?

I long for someone who wants me as much as I want him. I long for someone who loves me with all his heart…as much as I love him. It is about the connection. It is about the mutual admiration. When all these things are present, it is so much more than flesh on flesh. It is about the joining of two souls. It is not dirty. It is not taboo.  It is peaceful; it is comforting; it is completely fulfilling. For me, when you embrace someone with all your heart and it is wholly reciprocated, the physical joining with this person is like connecting two puzzle pieces; it fits. The two fit together easily, comfortably, and are drawn together. And I am sad to say, I don’t have that.


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