Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it!!

Tonight, I was reminded of a special moment from the past that I really should take the time to document somewhere. So here it is.

When Cole was three, he was going to the First Baptist Church preschool in Pensacola three days a week. Every year at Thanksgiving, the preschool would have a Thanksgiving Feast for the family to come and have a pot luck kind of lunch with their child. This particular year, Luke was not able to make it so I joined Cole on my own. The lunch was a buffet style and in a large, open room so you could choose any table and sit. I didn’t know many of the other mother’s there and didn’t see anyone I knew, so Cole and I chose a table in the back with one other family sitting there. The table soon filled up. Cole, being a great eater, had a variety of different things on his plate. Well, wouldn’t you know, he decides to get one of his green beans and place it between his middle finger and his index finger. He then put it too his mouth and pronounced to the whole table, “I ‘mokin’! Wook Mommy! I ‘mokin’!!” Oh holy hell! I snatched that green bean from his fingers and told him, “No, Cole!” as I turned about 10 different shades of red. Thank goodness, I didn’t know anyone else at our table.

Shortly after this incident, Cole began exhibiting another of my smoking habits. We would be riding in the car with him in his car seat in the back and he would hold his little hand up to the window with only his pinky finger and thumb extended. He would put his thumb to his mouth then hold his pinky finger up to the window. Yes. He was trying to “ash” out the window. I just happened to catch this behavior in a few glimpses from my rear view mirror.

I’ve since quit smoking, but at the time, I knew it was time to start hiding my smoking habit from my child.



I am a logical and analytical thinker. I ponder things and look for answers. I love having answers. Math was always an easy subject for me in school. Give me a problem and I will work on it until I solve it. Maybe that’s why I did well in technical support where I was thrown new challenges on a daily basis. Whenever some new, strange intermittent software glitch started causing calls to come pouring in, my mission was to find what was causing it and I’m proud to declare, I nearly always found it.

But in life, I can’t find the answers to everything. That drives me mad! Absolutely MAD! And I seem to set myself up with equations that cannot be solved. I spend all my time pondering hypothetical questions and situations…things that won’t ever happen or can’t happen for me…and I want to know the possible outcomes. And I can’t. It’s like never having closure, another thing I can’t stand. What would I do with the answers if I had them? Would that satisfy me? Generally, when I have an answer, I can move on to the next problem. But these are all questions and situations that have endless possibilities and involve other people and without their input, I have no answer. So why do I spend all my time worrying over these things that won’t or can’t happen? Why can’t I concentrate on things that are achievable and try to finish those?